starting in the middle

margo halverson

An Appetite for Longing

Messaging a friend to borrow a crate —so we can have a second for the puppy that is house-trained on the first floor but not the second — I noticed that FaceBook asked as always apparently: “What’s on your mind?”

Without hesitation I wanted to post: I miss my mom and my dad.

Cora graduates from High School in a couple of days, Jack has a summer job which he calls a real one because he “has meetings” before transferring this fall to Cal. Charles and I really are looking forward to a house occupied with only us and the puppy. They will be alright, they are getting on with it.

But this missing felt like having an appetite after hiking nine miles without eating and then smelling a cookout. The phrase I miss my mom and dad underlined wanting something I can’t have. That’s longing, right? You can’t locate it but you can feel it. Not think it. Desire it.

Mom passed away in 2001 and Dad in 2007 shortly after my brother. So just like Cora’s High School years of which yes, it’s gone so fast, time has also collapsed since the disappearance of three-fifths of my family. It seems like we were together last week or maybe it was forever ago, I can’t tell. But I can still rustle up their voices so maybe it’s the real time practice of my missing them through the fifteen years that lets me keep them somehow present.

Facebook is filled with graduation congratulations of Cora’s friends from other schools and soccer teams. Pictures of grandpas and grammas fill the scroll hugging their graduates while three generations celebrate. So now I’ll muster mom’s laugh and loud voice and Dad’s spontaneous singing of No Salt Salts Like Morten’s Salt Salts. I’ll sit again between them on the bench seat of whatever giant car he drove with the shop tools rattling in the trunk, their cigarette smoke making it tricky to see what’s in front of us.

Screen Shot 2016-06-06 at 12.51.45 PM



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on June 6, 2016 by .

My Instagram

Well, that was a chirping smoke detector kind of night; need a fresh battery and a do-over ASAP. He’d whisper ‘come on, let’s go’ if he could. #archiepoodle Pro form (and a pretty great 🎳 powder room at the end). Winter still life includes: 40’s modern chandelier, jack’s fencing medal from 2 weeks ago left on disparate board games and a dog outside. Why yes, yes we did. The family that shot-skis together... 🤟#gobison #tailgaiting Excellent 📷 by @leahjoy701 Now back to ZERO degrees though still warm family 🏈 and fun-itself enthusiasts. (Did I mention this was before 9am?) On the field to celebrate FCS Champions #ndsu #gobison Such fun, family, adrenaline and 7:30am tailgating in seas of green and gold. 🤟

Enter your email address to follow -starting in the middle- and receive notifications of new posts by email.

%d bloggers like this: